the lives we change (several stories)

Here is a note I wrote to my fellow members of the Frost Valley Board of Trustees the other day. Near the beginning I refer to Cathy McFarland; she is a long-time friend of Frost Valley and a terrific member of the board. She sent her two daughters to camp years ago; they become members of the staff. Cathy was the president of the Victoria Foundation, and in that capacity met Halbe Brown and they began a sustained productive relationship as grantor and grantee. Okay, so here's what I wrote the trustees.

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I'm at Frost Valley, where it's not yet in the 90s and where it cooled down to the 60s last night (I needed a blanket). That's one reason to be here but of course there are 999 other reasons.

This morning I added a few blog entries to "Al's Frost Valley alumni blog" and these you might find amusing and perhaps informative: http://frostvalleyalumni.blogspot.com/

In particular I hope you'll read about Cathy McFarland Harvey's grandchildren, who are here this session:

link

Cathy's daughter Cathy has two children -- Andrew and Sarah. Sarah is here for the first time. Their mom was a camper and counselor, and worked with me in my time as camp director. So Andrew and Sarah are double legacies. This morning, at breakfast, I asked Sarah to rate yesterday on a scale of 1 to 10. She said: "11!" I asked her what she likes about Frost Valley and she looked at me as if I were a fool and said: "Everything!"

That's exactly the word used by Nami, a 10-year-old camper here through our Newark Partnership, who yesterday met a visitor from the Prudential Foundation. Jerry and others were showing the Prudential guy around, and there were lots of opportunities to speak with the children. They met Nami at the waterfront and asked him what he likes about Frost Valley. And he said: "Everything!"

Nami is a very complicated young man; he often needs special attention. But his counselors have the clear sense, from their supervisor ("village chief") and from their camp directors, to do whatever it takes, within reason, to accommodate Nami's needs. Nami told his counselors recently that the other kids here don't tease him as they do at school. One boy in Nami's cabin befriended him, and because that fellow was a social leader all the other boys have come to accepted Nami's differences. Nami's time here won't be easy but it will have a lasting positive impact.

Walter, 9 years old, comes from a family of means in Upper Saddle River. But plentiful means can't prevent homesickness, and Walter was homesick last summer - terribly homesick. With lots of help, and clear communication with the parents (with assistance from yours truly), Walter made it through his two weeks and smiled a lot by the end. And said to his parents when they arrived to pick him up: "I want to come back next summer." Walter is here this session and is having the time of his life. I received the most fabulously grateful and excited email message from Walter's mom yesterday. She realizes that Walter is growing up and that Frost Valley has played a big role in that. She loves our approach and cherishes our values. I'm guessing that Walter will become a "lifer" and will one day by a counselor himself.

Eddie has two dads, one who works in Manhattan and the other who commutes to a job and second home up here in the Catskills. Eddie is 12 but has never been away from his parents. He was spending his summer at the upstate house, to beat the NYC heat, but he was really, really bored. So they signed him up for two weeks at Frost Valley. All three of them were really nervous about this. Within 24 hours Eddie realized that the other boys in his cabin are really fun and energetic and that at Frost Valley there's always something exciting and interesting to do. I see Eddie every day, at least briefly, and ask him if he's bored here. It's a running joke. By now, he smiles at my mild sarcasm and says he can't believe it took him and his dads so long to find this place for him. He's such a natural here. He's made several very close friends already.

Pedro had a bad April. His kidneys finally failed. He's been on dialysis only since then, so he's not quite used to it yet. His father's best friend is a tissue match and has volunteered to give Pedro one of his kidneys at the end of the summer through transplantation surgery. Pedro has a number of reasons to be distracted and not quite ready for camp. But he's here and he's part of the social and physical mainstream - the only camp (well, at least the first camp) to integrate kids on dialysis with everyone else. This is crucial at such a moment for Pedro because he so badly wants this phase on hemodialysis to be brief and wants to cling to a sense of himself as "normal." He's got a fabulous sense of humor and after a day and night of homesickness, and a little difficulty with his diet, he's running and playing and goofing around and going on overnights and has a little reprieve from his fears about his future health.

Sarah and Nami and Walter and Eddie and Pedro are five very different kids. They broadly represent the American socio-economic range, and spread variously along the spectrum of health and illness. But they are all equally our kids, Frost Valley's kids. They all thrive on the Frost Valley experience, for what's good here for them is precisely everything.

I feel enormously privileged to be able to see the positive effects of diversity and inclusiveness and tolerance for real. I know you feel the same. Fenn [Putman, Chairman of the Board] is coming here Monday to get his dose of this happiness. I know that Jerry has offered every one of us a standing invitation to visit any time. Come August 6 [annual meeting at camp], yes, but come another time too. Just a few hours immersed in summer camp and you will completely remember why we all volunteer for Frost Valley so assiduously.

Photos by Sandra Shapiro Bohn.